Forgiveness}

Submitted by: Sri Wilmore

People in our lives will undoubtedly hurt, abuse, betray, and forsake us. Those that we love the most consequently have the ability to hurt us the most, especially when we are children or vulnerable, and they will. Theres no way around it since we are all human. While we cannot change this aspect of life, we do have control over our decisions to forgive our offenders for their trespasses. It is our prerogative whether or not we carry the burden of hurt. Forgiveness is essential for healing.

Why should we forgive? Maybe our offenders dont deserve our forgiveness, so why should they benefit from us or our presence in their lives?! This is a natural immediate response; however, forgiveness benefits US, and the burden of hurt we carry when we choose not to forgive negatively impacts every aspect of our relational lives, whether it is transparent or not. Every interaction, relationship, and bond is influenced by this unseen negativity that exists within us. It hinders relational trust and expressions of love, which in turn impedes true happiness.

We take control and determine that we arent going to let our offenders influence our lifelong interactions, and we make a conscious decision to forgive, but one question remains. HOW? Two words, understanding and compassion, just as God forgives us.

Micah 7:19

He does not retain His anger forever,

Because He delights in mercy.

He will again have compassion on us,

And will subdue our iniquities.

Understanding will precede compassion. The compassion to forgive will emerge from the understanding that actions or inactions that hurt us are results of complex myriads of chains of events and circumstances in our offenders lives. Our fathers didnt abandon us because they are quitters or because they didnt care enough. These answers are far too simplistic. A more realistic explanation is that our fathers suffered from a deep depression, for which they self medicated with alcohol that inhibited their normal daily functioning, that resulted from the unaddressed childhood trauma they faced watching their own fathers beat their mothers every night because they suffered from post traumatic stress that was never treated upon return from war. While this may be an extreme example, it is far closer to an actual scenario than the original simple response will ever be. Its complex and its real, and in that particular scenario there is likely a lot more involved than what was described and it goes a lot further back in history. These are the types of hidden and historical wounds God understands and considers when he forgives us. He shows compassion to our fathers, who were also victims of hurt and abuse. The hurtful actions and inactions of our loved ones that we endure have everything to do with the pain and burdens they carry as imperfect human beings.

Forgiveness does not mean we will forget the offenses, but it does mean that we will understand them and accept that they occurred as a result of a multitude of factors beyond human control. Also, it does not mean that the forgiven individuals will have an active role in our lives. In fact, more often than not, after we forgive, we can only love our offenders from a far and pray for them. We must carefully define our offenders role in our lives after forgiveness and maintain healthy boundaries.

Important people in our lives will fail us because people in their lives failed them, and they too carry unreleased pain in their hearts. While this does not justify hurtful behaviors, it does explain them. This understanding will allow us to show compassion towards those who have hurt us, and it provides us comfort and healing in these difficult life circumstances, along with knowing that God will never forsake us, even if everyone else does.

Deuteronomy 31:6

He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Forgiveness is not only freeing, but life altering. The evidence of forgiveness will be seen in the quality of our relationships.

About the Author: Sri Wilmore

empoweringexperience.com

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isnare.com

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